Lately I have been privy to some conversations in which parents are at a loss on how to draw good behavior from their children. They are frustrated, overwhelmed and tired of getting negative reports from teachers and caregivers. They are not sure how to refocus their children when they are misbehaving. I think it starts with how we look at discipline. Discipline often involves some form of punishment for disobedience and while this can be necessary at times, it is important that we are also reproving our children in love! The word reprove is used throughout the Bible and I like using this word because it implies an intent to kindly and gently correct a fault. This is how God treats us as His children so, we should certainly use this concept with the children that God blesses us with. Here are a few guidelines on how to correct your children more effectively by showing God’s love.
Check yourself! Is my child mirroring my behavior when I don’t get my way? Have I done something to provoke my child? Have I given my child a Christ-like example to refer to? Have I taught my child so that they are not lead into sin? How can we expect our children to have Godly character if we are not showing them how? Pray that God will strengthen your child’s character as well as your own.
Don’t use the Bible to scare them. Of course, we should use God’s Word to correct our children however, that does not mean we ought to use it to scare them into obedience. Incorporating Biblical truths and God’s love into your daily life can give your children perspective into God’s heart for them and give them better insight into why God wants them to walk in obedience. Doing this will begin their relationship with God in a positive way. Proverbs 22:6 says that we should “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Use the Bible to reprove them about their sin, not punish or scare them.
Don’t embarrass your child. It will be difficult for your child to hear your correction if they are too embarrassed because you have scolded them in front of their peers. Give your child a chance to focus on their sin, not the humiliation they feel because others heard you reprimand them. Sometimes, it will be necessary to correct your child in front of other people, but you can take him aside or whisper correction in his ear. Remember that embarrassing your child will not ensure that they will not commit sin. However, if you reprove your child in private it will help them focus on their sin and be a reminder for them the next time they are faced with a decision to do wrong or right.
Keep your cool! Take a moment to think about your response to your child’s disobedience before you speak. If you’re like me this is difficult to do at times but it is truly so important to keep a calm tone of voice and choose your words wisely. Ephesians 6:4 says “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” If you usually find yourself speaking harshly to your child, take a breath before you begin to speak and continue in a gentler tone. Remember, “a soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Also let your child know you are unhappy with their decisions using Biblical terminology instead of worldly terminology. Instead of saying “acting up” say “being disobedient.” Instead of “telling a story” say “telling a lie.”
The goal of discipline should not be to punish, but to correct behavior through love and bring your children to an attitude of repentance so they can learn to do what is right.